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Byline: Kim Kincell

  • Homeschooling Goals for Next Year

    Homeschooling Goals for Next Year

    by Kim Kincell

    My homeschoolers are all graduated now. Looking back, what would I say is the most important thing as you younger moms plan your upcoming school years?

    As with nearly all veteran homeschool parents I know, I have no regrets related to prep for college or jobs. I feel that my graduates were as good with facts, more discerning of worldview, and as academically mature as others their ages. I guess I’m saying that the academic benefits of homeschooling were just as research predicted.

    But honestly, as I watch my adult children make adult decisions, I realize that the most important issues they face as adults are moral and spiritual. The question is whether we have given them the foundation to withstand temptation and counter false “truth.”  Beginning in college and extending through life, they will be bombarded with lies masquerading as truth. Have we given them the tools to withstand the barrage of false voices that fill public spaces, work places, and social media?

    My heart breaks as I hear of homeschool graduates who flourish academically (no matter what kind of curriculum or style their parents used) but who, just like their public school counterparts, are losing their footing on spiritual issues. While not as universally as their public school counterparts, they aren’t all surviving the pressures. Yes, they are making the dean’s list in college, but some are failing in what is most important.

    Why? I’ve been asking that question and praying for an answer.  And the Lord leads me back where He always leads: to His Word. Answers are always found there.

    1. I have hidden Your Word in my heart that I might not sin against You.

    That reassuring verse from Psalm 119 comes immediately to mind. When push comes to shove, Scripture must be the foundation for truth. As helpful as it might be, it’s not enough for our kids to attend church to sing songs, learn Bible stories, and play games in children’s church/teen group. Even discussions in youth group about peer pressure and neighborly behavior won’t establish them well enough. If we want them to not sin (not get pregnant out of wedlock, not change genders, not forsake the Lord and His ways), they need to have the living Word in their hearts. It is “living and active and sharper than a double-edged sword.”

    When I’m praying for answers on any subject, the Spirit gently brings Scriptures to my mind. And when He does, I can be confident that it’s God talking to me and not just me talking to myself. Scripture is His Word, not mine. I can trust it. He uses it in my life. He uses it in my children’s lives.

    Of course we want our kids to know science, social studies and math. But that’s what nearly everyone else wants for their kids, too. We are Christians. We most want our children above all to be Christ-followers. And for that, they need His words. He is the Word. Our job – our privilege – as moms and dads is to hide Scripture in their hearts so that when they pray, His words will come to their minds. Even if they don’t pray, the Spirit can still bring it to their minds when we pray for them.

    2. Give the Gospel; live the Gospel.

    The eternal destination of our children is vastly more important than their university destination or successful vocation. What our children believe about God is the single most important thing in this life for them. But how will they call on Him of whom they have not heard? For…faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. (Romans 10:13-15)

    That brings us back to His Word, but particularly His Gospel. We pray that our children will believe, but God Himself says they can’t believe in something they haven’t heard about. We are not only to give them the Gospel, but live the Gospel. Live grace. Demonstrate forgiveness – both the giving and receiving of it. Proverbs 24:16 says the righteous falls seven times yet gets back up again. Galatians 3 tells us to forget what is behind and strain toward what is ahead. The Gospel is less about perfection and more about grace. Do we extend that grace to our children? Do we teach them repentance and getting right back up? Do we demonstrate that we serve a God who embodies grace? Do they know the love of God?

    Our children need to know the Gospel so that prayerfully they will believe the Gospel from deep within their hearts. If they don’t, they are condemned already (John 3:16-18). That truth should drive us to our knees.

    3.  Educate, don’t just school.

    Matthew 28 commands us to make disciples:
    Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you.

    We can’t make converts, but we can make disciples. Prayerfully our children will believe and be saved. But that’s not the end.

    If we are to make disciples of all nations, surely we start in our own homes. Teach your children to observe all things that He commanded, and to love the Lord with all their hearts, souls, minds and strength – and to love their neighbor as themselves. That if they don’t work, neither will they eat. That if they don’t forgive, neither will they be forgiven. There are 66 books to study.  Make the Bible your first and best library.

    A good online article offers sage advice:
    “Knowing your child involves far more than lecturing on what to believe. It mandates conversation and asking questions. It requires the Deuteronomy 6 method of discussing God’s Word, day and night. Don’t shut children down if they express doubts or question a conventional position on an issue. Draw them out. Demonstrate that it is safe to work through struggles and confusion with you.”

    Deuteronomy 6 says that we are to teach our children when we sit at home, walk along the road, when we lie down and when we get up. Disciples are those who live with us and learn from us – by everything we do.

    Everything has a worldview. Science. Math. Grammar.  Do everything to the glory of God.   

    I no longer homeschool because I no longer have littles. My children don’t sit on my lap for read aloud anymore. I no longer tell them what to do and put them in time out if they don’t. Primarily I just watch and pray as they traverse this world as adults. And the thing is, I’m most thankful for every word of God that my husband and I planted in their minds. I’m grateful for every Christian friend, particularly the older ones, that they came to know and love while at home. I’m grateful for the preachers of truth they sat under. I’m grateful that we didn’t give up – because they were watching us (and always will). (Galatians 6:9)  But mostly, I’m grateful for the love of God and His Holy Spirit whom I trust with their lives.

    When you’re looking back, only one thing will truly give you satisfaction:

    I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth!  (3 John 4)

  • Do We Stop Homeschooling?

    Do We Stop Homeschooling?

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    Many parents might be tempted to answer that question by considering how it went this past year. Were the kids engaged? Did it go smoothly? Did Mom feel comfortable teaching? Was a good co-op available for socialization? Do the kids want to continue?

    While those are great questions, there may be other considerations which need to be brought to the table. If you’re a Christian, may I share some things I learned as a young homeschool mom?

    First, let’s take a look at what God says about the education of our children.

    You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up.  (Deuteronomy 6:4-7) 

    Isn’t that a lovely passage? I don’t believe I ever paid attention to it until after we started homeschooling. Highlighted by numerous homeschool speakers during the 1990’s and early 2000’s when we were educating our three daughters, it helped cement my resolve to homeschool. Yes, I wanted to teach my children diligently at all times – when we played in the yard, when we sat at the table, and when we did math. I began to realize that I wanted them to see God in everything! That was actually pretty exciting for me.

    The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.  (Proverbs 1:11)

    This verse was life-changing for my husband and me. Not only is it basically repeated two other times in Scripture, but this truth is pretty plain to understand. Unless we start with respect for the Lord, with serious regard for His thoughts and His ways, my children can’t even begin to be truly educated! And doesn’t that make perfect sense? If we genuinely believe that God created everything, and it’s all for His glory and ultimately for His purpose, then can we learn anything in depth without recognizing Him first and foremost?  

    And you fathers…bring [your children] up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

    Here again, this verse is pretty simple. For me, it meant that it was foolish to send my children anywhere that God could not legally be recognized for who He is – the beginning and end of everything. Much less could I send them to such a place for seven hours a day, five days a week and then hope that Godless instruction could be countered with three hours of church on Sunday. The statistics about kids leaving the church when they grow up make perfect sense when we look at the plain facts from this perspective.    

    Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child…  (Proverbs 22:15a)
    Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.  (Proverbs 13:20)

    These verses put a different twist on socialization for me. Did God intend for children to hang out with a myriad of other children, whether physically or virtually, for most of their growing-up years? Or is it healthier and more natural that they get together with a few children at a time along with some wiser Titus 2 adults? I certainly remember my own school experience, when I cared more about what my peers thought – even though I wouldn’t have admitted it. Let’s face it: God created us for relationships and acceptance, and part of us wants to fit in. We’re not dying to become like our teachers as much as we want accepted or to be “popular.” In order to fit in, kids either become popular – whatever that takes – or they react to the popular kids and seek alternative reputations in order to survive. 

    But that’s not desirable socialization, is it? No. It produces kids who party, take drugs, get date raped, bullied, change genders, and experiment with sex. Sadly, we are surrounded by the fruit of such unhealthy socialization. It’s like playing Russian roulette. Occasionally it’s fine; usually it’s not.

    But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.  (Matthew 18:6)

    Woe. Homeschool leader Brian Ray1 asks a sobering question, “If a Christian parent puts stumbling blocks in front of his child, is the parent guilty?” Ray further asks, “Why would a Christian ever seriously consider a system of education that was never ordained by God and focuses children’s minds and hearts on nearly everything but God?”

    Do not be deceived; God cannot be mocked.  (Galatians 6:7)

    Pure and simple, I know that God impressed on us that if we failed on everything else, the thing that mattered most was what had eternal consequences. 

    All these issues aside, you may ask, what about academics? Isn’t school about academics? The impressive academic statistics that we take for granted these days – the ones where homeschoolers do much better than their public school counterparts – came primarily from homeschoolers educated in the “plain Jane” way. Prior to dual enrollment opportunities, before fully computer-based or internet-based programs, long before sophisticated coops and communities, and when only limited curriculum choices were available, those early homeschoolers flourished academically. They began winning spelling bees and gaining acceptance into Ivy League schools – and community colleges for that matter. They were the ones who paved the way for those of us who came after.  And most of those early families were homeschooling for “religious purposes.”  Do God’s ways work?

    We should have trusted the obvious answer to that question even without the impressive statistics. Even without the cool options we have now, homes discipleship still works!

    Should you stop homeschooling?  That’s a question only you can answer.  But perhaps turn the question around:

    • How does God want you to educate your child?
    • What’s the best way to prepare your child to be a God-honoring adult?
    • What is the wisest educational method for a child given in trust to Christian parents?  
    • How logical is it to expect our children to become more Christlike as the result of secular training?

    And even, 

    • If we continue to homeschool, what should that look like?

    Those were the questions God impressed on us.

     

     

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    1Brian Ray, “Change the Paradigm: Why Did You Ever Stop Homeschooling Your Child?” The Old Schoolhouse, Winter 2019-2020, p.20-22.

    _______________________________________________________________
    Kim and her husband Don homeschooled their three daughters full-time starting in 1996. Like all other parents, they messed up many things. But they look back now very thankful that they listened to what God asked of them – even when it made little sense. If nothing else, they learned that God’s ways do work!  He is trustworthy.

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